Comments on: Mammon’s House: Part I

By: lethebashar

lethebashar — Sun, 19 Oct 2008 12:16:19 +0000

Hmmm . . . you’ve mentioned this before about causes and effects. I think it’s my “loose” sense of narrative, what you didn’t like about my straying from the “events themselves”. But I’d like to look more into this, and clear up those gaps. Confusion is not my goal.

By: Chris Poirier

Chris Poirier — Sun, 19 Oct 2008 06:23:20 +0000

I certainly wouldn’t call this overwritten. I think the level of detail is bang-on, in fact. The only thing I would complain about is that it sometimes feels like there are gaps in the narrative, places where effects don’t quite link up with causes (or the causes are just missing). It’s minor, but does leave me feeling a bit disoriented, from time to time. That said, I’m enjoying this piece. It’s not particularly tense, but it is vivid and interesting.

By: lethebashar

lethebashar — Sat, 19 Apr 2008 04:58:46 +0000

Hmmm. . . . I just made some more revisions to it. You know, we’re never really done. But to get it up on the internet seems to push the process along a lot faster. Thanks for reading. One of my own judgements of some of this writing is that it’s overwritten. As I proceed with the following chapters I’m going to be more aware of that overwritten-ness and perhaps try to underwrite some of it. It takes a while, I guess, to find a level of consistency in one’s prose, but I’m definitely searching for that solid place of articulation. You seem to have that down in your writing and that’s what I admire about your work and believe I can learn from.

By: TD

TD — Sat, 19 Apr 2008 04:11:49 +0000

I like this piece — excellent detail, probably one of my favorites. I like seeing Lethe in challenging situations where a number of characters are deeply developed.
-TD